Hair Is For Girls

Think about it. What do we really┬áneed hair for on our heads huh? Somebody recently asked if I’d got my hair cut – you know who you are Elaine!

Well I had, three on the top and two out left some place. But it got me thinking how paranoid some guys are about not having much hair. Well it doesn’t bother me any. For those that have plenty, let me enlighten you as to why people like me are a little better off…

It was most noticeable one day when it was just beginning to rain. I had the distinct advantage of knowing before anyone else did. The feeling of tiny pitter patter rain drops is unmistakeable. I also found out that I don’t dissolve in the rain which was a huge advantage.

I don’t have to pay for hair dryers (well not my own anyway). That’s a big plus. Just think of how many people have to carry hair dryers around or spend time blowing their hair and brushing it. What a waste of time! For me all it takes is a quick shake of the head or one wipe with the towel and I’m done.

If you don’t have any hair, you don’t need to worry about going grey. Enough said? That being said there might be trace amounts around the edges, but we’ll chalk it up as none. Besides, there’s “Just For Men” if it gets serious.

Some people would argue that “the sun will get you”. I have this amazing device for that. They call it a “hat” and it works like this. You place it over your head and it stops the sun from getting through. It’s pretty and as an added bonus, there’s no hair to make it all hot and flustered.

You definitely spend less on shampoo and make a ton of savings on not needing to visit the hairdresser as often. Think of all that extra cash laying around.

From a safety perspective there’s a tremendous benefit. Muggers don’t have the ability to grab your hair and pull on it. This makes their life just that bit harder to steal from you so they probably have a desire to avoid people like me.

Hair has a tendency to absorb light rays too. If you don;t have hair you have a much more reflective capability. This means that people with little or no hair are more likely to reflect light back into the room. Great for those darker evenings where you don;t have a flashlight to guide your way.

And probably the most significant impact of all, I can run faster because there is less wind resistance. Hair has a habit of creating turbulent air around the head when you run, so having less hair streamlines the air flow. I’m practically uncatchable when I run. Like a speeding bullet.

As you can see, who needs hair? Apart from girls that is. 8 key points that you can use next time someone thinks that you have no hair:

1. You have a natural early warning system for rain
2. It’s a huge timesaver
3. You don’t need to worry about grey hair (that much)
4. No such thing as hot hair days
5. You save millions on hair products
6. Anti-mugging capability
7. Enhances visibility in darkness
8. Practically eliminates drag when running

After all, some people even shave their heads because they realize these tremendous benefits.

I guess ultimately I must be higher up the evolutionary chain, especially coupled with the fact that I don’t have wisdom teeth.

Oh and one more thing, grass doesn’t grow on a busy street! You can ignore the comments you hear about an empty barn needs no roof…